My story

I was born in Munich, then we moved to Tenerife (yeah, the spanish island) when I was 10 and when I was 15, we came here. That's that part of me. But not very interesting, so:

Even though I knew that something was different about me from the time I was 4 or 5 years old (I always wanted to "pee like daddy" - standing), it took me until my 13 year on planet Earth to name the thing: transsexuality. I saw a report about a transman on german TV and it kinda hit me like a brick - it was like "wow, that guy's just like you". I had known transsexuality existed, but everytime I heard the word, I thought of badly shaven dudes in dresses with too much make up and crazy wigs - I guess I was wrong. So I started to read up stuff online and the more I read, the more I felt that this was, in fact, my problem.

I'd never been a "girl" in the classic meaning. When I was 7 years old, I had my hair cut boy-style, I play soccer (which is, like, the men's sport in europe) since I was 5, I never even owned a Barbie or any other doll, I always wore boy's clothes. You may say, I'm a cliché.

After months of fighting with myself, I told my mother about it, who was all "yeah, we'll stand by you", "you'll still be our child" blah blah, but then managed to completely ignore my coming-out ( her and my dad, in fact). She still called me by my old name - which, in hindsight, wasn't so bad, because I changed my name like three or four times for myself - she still treated me like a daughter. And because I'm a frickin' coward, I let her... until May 2008. I had already written a second letter for her and carried it around with me. This one day in May, I sat in school and I had a sudden flash of courage which made me run out of school, take the next bus home and show the letter to her. I cried a lot, I gotta admit and again, my mother said: "Don't worry, we'll take care of it." Guess what happened? Since then, we haven't spoken about it anymore. But thank goodness, the last year in school sucked for me (I actually managed to flunk), so I was already seeing a therapist at that point...

I've been in therapy since the end of March, which makes it very likely that I can start hormone therapy sometime in spring 2009 (yay for me). Almost all my friends know already, so my very conservative family (aunts, uncles, my american half sister, cousins etc.) are the only problem left... and my parents, who still refuse to do anything, including calling me by my new name. Don't get me wrong, they're great parents and I love them, but that one important thing in my life, they can't deal with.

I turn 18 in exactly 10 days, so from then on, things are gonna change a lot for me since I won't have to get my parents' consent anymore.

About myself

Hi everyone! This is your blogger speaking. Wanna know who I am? Continue reading. But beware: If you're grossed out by transgendered people, better leave now.

I am a 17 (almost 18, though) year old german transman (FtM transgender) who's currently living in Austria. Confusing, huh? Anyways, I'm still pre-testosterone, but I hope I can start sometime in spring 2009, I'm still in therapy, no surgeries, no nothing. Only thing is - I'm out with most of my friends and my parents (who choose to ignore it, but hey...)

If you're interested in hobbies and stuff, knock yourself out below.

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General:

Name: Christian Rafael

Nicknames: Chris, Ray, Raffi, Montgomery (no, not my last name - I got it from The Simpsons' Mr. Burns), Monty

Place of Birth: Munich, Germany.

Height: 5'7" (1.70 m)

Shoe size: US 9 (men's), European 43

Hair color: brown-ish, often with blonde highlights

Eye color: green with a bit of brown

Favorite games: Max Payne (1 and 2), Hitman Contracts, Hitman Blood Money, FIFA, NBA, Madden and my guilty pleasure - Singstar.

How much time do you spend online? You want that in minutes, hours or days? I'd say, something between 6 and 9 hours a day.I know it's too much.

Do you rather chat or surf the web? Definitely surf.

Favorite...

Color: Blue, Black, Grey, White, Red. In that order.

Meal: Pizza, pasta, burritos, chicken.

Alcoholic drink: Vodka Red Bull, Mojito, beer.

Non-alcoholic drink: Fanta Lemon and Red Bull.

Animal: Sheep, goats, cats, dogs.

Plant: That would be anything made of plastic. And then, I'd probably burn it or something.

Sports: Soccer, tennis, skiing, American Football.

Snack: Pringles paprika (I deny the cancer risk)

TV show: 24, House, Californication, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Ally McBeal (ad the last three: I'm not gay!)

Movie: "Thank you for smoking", "Forrest Gump", "The Patriot", anything from the "Die Hard" series, "Sin City", "Flatliners", "The Lost Boys", "The Butterfly Effect", "Outbreak", "True Lies", "A Fish Called Wanda", "Mission: Impossible 2"

Book: "The Gun Seller" by Hugh Laurie.

Day of the week: Saturday

School subject: English, Biology, Psychology

Teacher: Mrs. Clarke (English), Mr. Nickmann (Psychology)

Number: 24 (guess why!)... no, seriously: It's 1.

Actor/Actress: Al Pacino, Kiefer Sutherland, Sean Connery, Sandra Bullock, Hugh Laurie, Rene Russo, Mel Gibson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Bruce Willis, Susan Sarandon, John Cleese, Meryl Streep.

Singer/Band: They might be giants, Warren Zevon, Linkin Park, System of a Down, Bruce Springsteen, U2, Coldplay.

Song: "Lucky Ball and Chain" (They might be Giants), "Fire" (Bruce Springsteen), "Hallelujah" (Jeff Buckley), "Everybody knows" (Don Henley), "Sky" (Joshua Radin & Ingrid Michaelson)

Hobbies: Soccer, Photoshop, tennis, skiing, medicine, literature, politics (yeah, I'm a cultural genius and stuff)

What do you think of...

Chain smokers? Awesome! (I am one)

Commercials? Suck.

Soap operas? Ewwww.

Shakespeare? Classic literature. I also love Goethe and Cervantes. And I'm not kidding here.

Strawberries? Yummy, but not as yummy as cherries.

Apple-polishers? I was one.

Know-it-alls? I am one.

Cartoons? Love 'em, unless they're a crappy animated movie by Pixar or else.

Comic strips? Love 'em.

Nazis? Obviously can't stand 'em.

Fast Food? I'm lovin' it! ;-)

Which do you like better?

Ketchup or mustard? Ketchup.

Fast food or healthy food: Fast Food.

Catholic or Protestant? Protestant, even though I'm a Catholic.

Fruit or vegetables? Fruit.

Talk on the phone or chat online? Phone.

Beach or swimming pool? Swimming Pool.

Mountains or sea? Mountains.

Deserted Island or big city? Big city.

Police or fire department? Police.

Heads or tails? Tails.

Ice cream or water ice? Ice cream

Half full or half empty? Half full. And don't psycho analyze me now.

Car or bike? Car.

Jay Leno or Conan O'Brien? Conan.

Mercedes or BMW? Mercedes.

Cheese or cold meat? Cold meat.

Milk or juice? Juice.

Quiz show or talkshow? Quiz show.

FOX or ABC? FOX.

eMail or letter? eMail.

Glass or cup? Glass.

Plane or ship? Plane.

USA, UK, Canada or Australia? USA.

Shakespeare or Goethe? Goethe. Sorry, William.

Fried eggs or scrambled eggs? Hate. Eggs.

Champagne or sparkling wine? Hate any kind of the bubbly water.

Communism or democracy? Democracy.

McDonalds or Burger King? Burger King. Yeah, I'm a pervert.

Piercing or Tattoo? Tattoo.

Boy or girl? Boy.

Are you getting tired already? Nope.

Family:

Parents: Dad's 16 years older than mom. That's all you're gonna get.

Siblings: Half sister, lives in Boston.

Girlfriend: Yes.

Do you want to get married? Yes.

At which age? Anything from 28 upwards.

Do you want to have children? I don't want to have them, but I get your point. Yes.

If so, how many? 2-4.

What are you going to call them? Boys: Leon, Carlos, Felix, Greg (yeah, just Greg). Girls: Sarah, Sophie, Victoria, Audrey.

How many friends do you have? 20.

How many good ones? 12. I choose carefully.

Instructions for dealing with you:

How can somebody impress you? If they know a lot about world politics, history, literature, medicine etc.

How can somebody annoy you? With close-mindedness and naiveté.

Final spurt!

Who would you like to meet? Hillary Clinton, Reiko Aylesworth from 24, maybe the Pope (just to speak my mind about his policies)

Would you give up your life to save somebody else's? Yes, unintentionally - because I always react faster than I can think. Force of habit as a soccer goalie.

Are you allergic to anything? Yes, camphor.

Did you ever break a bone? Yes, my nose. Without noticing it.

Whose bones would you like to break? Oh, there are a lot of people. First up, 90% of my ex maths teachers, then... 90% of my ex spanish teachers. Certain doctors... Well, like I said, there are plenty of people.

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If you've read it until here - congratulations for staying awake, I even bored myself. If you found this funny or just think I might be an interesting person, comment on this post. More detailed stuff about my history to come.